


Bland, but comfortable

by SaiGore



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Dissociation, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:22:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25813510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaiGore/pseuds/SaiGore
Summary: Yes, this is a vent writing, it's about my own experiences with dissociation, and how being ripped from them is chaotic and sometimes panic inducing.It's also to give me practice writing in general
Kudos: 15





	Bland, but comfortable

**Author's Note:**

> Please be cautious if you have issues with dissociation.

The world always seemed dim to the liar, like he was untouchable and everything blurred past his eyes as he stood still. Through the falsified emotions, such as his tears, his smiles, his anger... it was all bland. All bland and all... just a boring game. Something that he wasn't apart of. His classmates seemed so vivid alive that... he himself felt like a bland... bland character, beneath his endless masks. Sighing softly, the purple haired liar made his way through the halls, the setting sun through the windows encasing the building and the insides in a golden glow, the soft light warming him whenever he walked past a window. Violet eyes studying outside, his mouth was turned downwards naturally, his grin gone for the day. It was close to when he'd be ushered out into the streets for another night, and despite the warm evening, Ouma just knew what the night had in store. Hands pressed behind his head, strides carefree, no one would guess the other's thoughts, the rooftop he had access to.

Shaking his head and looking down, a grin forced its way onto his pale face, the ideas fleeing from his head as soon as they came. He knew what he had to return to, and why he had to hold himself up, despite the tempting thoughts to escape such a boring reality. Although he was just a player in such a world, he couldn't abandon people who depended on him. His family... Huffing, Ouma hurried his steps, a final glance towards the stairs going up before darting down the stairs. Loafers clacking on each step, he arrived downstairs quickly, taking him to his locker. Sure he kept his organization outfit on in school but... Taking out a small bag, he entered a bathroom, violet eyes making sure no one was around before changing into a simple outfit, lifting the hood over his messy and straggly violet locks. Carrying the bag now containing his uniform, Ouma exited the building finally, waving to the security guard that was most likely making sure all the students left school premises. 

~~~~~~~~~

Placing him upon the rooftop, Ouma sat on the edge, past the guardrail to stare out onto the evening sky. Legs swinging in the wind, he almost felt 3rd person as he stared out, his body feeling oddly gone. He knew he was there, but where was there? Was he anyone, here upon the roof, staring out? Either way, he was there as the day grew later, staring and breathing. Eventually, he started to get up. Turning around carefully and starting to climb over, Ouma is almost startled off the ledge by the other standing on the roof, frozen in his approach. "Ah... Ouma-kun..?" Saihara, the detective...

Immediately his mask was replaced, pulling himself over the railing with a grin and a few bouncy steps to approach the detective, stringy hair bouncing in the warm air. Reaching his hands out, he grabbed onto the other's hand, the warmth of his skin grounding him if but a little. "Saihara-chan! Aww, were you worried for lil me~?" A tease there... a tease there.... It worked though, golden eyes avoiding the liar with a soft pink dusting upon his fair cheeks. A good distraction from what the other had found him doing.

"Mhm... it was... odd seeing you up here... you looked... sad, at least from what I could see from the ground..." And back the blazing gold eyes came, back onto his pale cheeks and violet eyes that didn't quite have the color of life reach them. The grin that never quite had the true happiness Ouma tried to show. Observing and knowing eyes upon his petite and frail frame, the contact of their skin blazing in the liar's mind. Retracting his hands to place behind his back, he took a few steps back to put distance, giving Saihara a scoff after he spoke. "Sad? Me? Why would I be sad, I'M the supreme leader of everything, what is there for me to be sad about?" A bit... suspicious by his phrasing, but with his tendencies, no one could ever quite tell what his lies were anyways.

Nodding softly, Saihara continued to frown, feeling he knew what he was wasn't a lie... "Well, wouldn't a supreme leader of everything still feel lonely?" Not on the head... not close, in one way, dangerously close in another. Surprise barely passed his eyes, and didn't grace his features though, turning towards a pout instead. "Does Shumai not trust me NOT to be lying..?" And back to a grin, snickering softly. "Well, maybe I WAS lying, or maybe I'm lying about lying, and maybe I'm lying about lying about lying, or maybe I didn't lie at all! What do you think, Mister Detective." During his words, Ouma could hear Saihara's sigh, see the shake of his head, but didn't expect the burning concern in his gaze when he looked at the smaller boy again. 

Reaching out with a few steps forward, Saihara caught onto Ouma's upper arm, burning against his skin through his fabric, holding him in place. "Please... Ouma- This is serious... I've seen you out here before and... you're my classmate..." Another surprise after another, pulling Ouma back towards reality once again, the feeling of his gaze and hand on him, intense and real... Something to hold him down, hold him to his senses, a coping... But not one he'd indulge in. "Neeheehee... you forget, I still have my organization, a leader can't quit that easily, Saihara-chan. Don't worry, I won't jump." And pulling his arm away from the taller male, Ouma darted out the door to the roof, his heart pounding in his ears. 

A rush of emotion, a rush of reality, a rush of... A rush. A rush of his mind, overflowing and breaking him, reality crashing down onto that wave at the same time. Choking back his quick breathes, Ouma felt the return of his bland daydream state from before Saihara snatched him out of that comfort, out of that paradise of a lack of emotion. Of course he knew the high will only last so long once broken... But tomorrow is another day, another day to keep his mind clear, keep his head blank.

Life was bland, but at least he knew where he was going when he was just a character in the story of life, when he didn't have those burning gazes full of emotion on him, when he didn't feel the emotions of others so close.

Bland, but comfortable.

Dissociated, but stable.


End file.
